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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I saw one of these on another board and wanted to see what people had experienced in the past. I'm looking for stories of when you were somewhere and a person/ people asked you to put out you cigar or complained, etc. For the shared enjoyment of all. :D
 

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I posted this on another thread here but here it is...

I was in Zurich Switzerland on business and was staying at a rather nice hotel with a very nice resturant downstairs. After work, I went to the resturant to have some coffee & saw they sold cigars there .
I asked the manager/owner if they allowed cigar smoking. He of course replied "yes, no problem. Please smoke!".
I was the only person there and was enjoying an espresso & a nice Cohiba Siglo III.
Just then, two ladies walk in & of the entire place, they have to sit in the booth next to me. You can guess what happens next.

Overhearing their hushed comments, they are obviously are from the USA. After the waving of their hands in their face, and comments like "whew, whats that awful smell?", they call the manager over to complain.
They ask him to tell me to put out my cigar. He simply asks them if they would like to sit in the non-smoking section of the resturant.
They agree the non-smoking section would be anytime better than sitting in this stench.
The owner points to the non-smoking section and tells them its right over there. He's pointing outside to four snow covered concrete patio tables & metal chairs. Its about 11 degrees outside with the wind chill.

They left pissed off, I laughed, and the owner simply said "Stupid non-smokers".
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Actually, that's what got me thinking about asking for them. Your story was hilarious!
 

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Let me preface my stories with this...

I feel that if a bar allows cigar smoking, people who do not like cigars should either not complain, move to a non-smoking area or take their business elsewhere. Unless there are laws, the business owner has a right to determine his/her policies.

Three stories, all at places where cigars were allowed by the management.

STORY #1

This bar did not allow smoking inside but they had an outside patio, facing the street where it was OK. Guy I went to HS with and me are catching up on old times and puffing on some fine Habanos. Two women walk by and as they do, one starts waving her hands in front of her nose and the other covers up her nose and mouth. We ignore them and they continue walking. Guess they were offended that we didn't react so they come back and continue their antics. We continue to ignore them. Finally, one says, "Those are repugnant. We have a right to breathe clean air as we use a public sidewalk. People like you should be arrested for air pollution."

So I said to her: "Why don't YOU arrest us?"

She replied: "I'm not a law enforcement officer."

I replied: "Well since we're not breaking any laws and since you're not a police officer, why don't you just continue on your way and stop bothering us? We have important things to discuss and haven't the time nor inclination to waste our efforts on sanctimonious whiners."

She replied: "Kiss my ass!"

I replied: "Well, if I decide to take you up on your offer, that part of your anatomy is big enough so that I surely won't miss. Would you prefer to bare it right here or go inside to the non-smoking section?"

Both women threw up their hands and walked away mumbling to themselves.

STORY #2

Man: "Your cigar is disgusting. It's bothering my wife and kids."

Me: "No sir, I beg to differ. This cigar is not disgusting, it's a 1998 Montecristo #2. Disgusting cigars you can find at the Quik Trip on the corner. By the way, if it offends y'all so much, why are you sitting, with children, in the smoking section of a bar? Surely you knew people would be smoking in the smoking section."

Man: "What would it take to get you to put that out?"

Me: "Your committing suicide might convince me."

(They finished their food and drinks and left complaining to the manager.... who is a cigar smoker too and said they were classic yuppie PITAs.)
;)

STORY #3

Four of us golfing buddies are seated, having cigars in a designated cigar smoking area of a pub. A woman, a total stranger, comes over and stands right next to us saying nothing but waving a paper as the smoke billows up toward her.

We look at her and then ignore her. She stays put, continuing to wave smoke away with the paper.

Finally I looked at her and said, "May we help you?"

She says, "It stinks in here."

One of my golfing buddies had just a bit too much to drink (hee hee) so he replies, "I noticed that too. A good douche might help you solve that problem."

Her mouth dropped almost to her knees. She was so stunned she couldn't even tell us to go F ourselves. She turned and walked quickly out of the pub and we all damn near fell off our chairs laughing.

(I have a LOT more but this is enough for today.) :D
 

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wow flipflop!!
those are great stories, i personally think they should go into that chicken soup for the cigar smoker book that someone else mentioned ;)

don't blame me if i steal some of those comebacks! :r
 

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this happened just the other nite... i was sitting outside smoking an 03 epi2, which was gifted to me by jake and kaeta at socal4. that day the high temp was around 100, but after the sun went down, a cool breeze picked up and the temp dropped to a comfortable level. i got myself a bottle of sapporo, a lounge chair, my lighter and the cigar and headed out to the side yard. i was enjoying the peaceful surroundings of friendly valley, a gated community in north LA. as i puffed on the epi, little bunnies hopped by as if they enjoyed the wonderful aroma as much as i did. all in all, it was a perfect setting. just then, i look up and there's a woman standing over me and she starts complaining about the stench of cigars- why do we have to smell that? and don't you know that stuff could kill you? why do you do this to yourself? don't you know you will suffer when you get older? and so on and so forth, ad nauseam. i said, look mom, why don't you leave me the f*ck alone! that really showed her. we're still not talking to each other, but there's some satisfaction in that... isn't there? :confused:
 

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Here's one that my WIFE thought up:

Question:
What would it take to get you to put that cigar out?

Answer:
Another cigar.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
"I noticed that too. A good douche might help you solve that problem."

Her mouth dropped almost to her knees. She was so stunned she couldn't even tell us to go F ourselves. She turned and walked quickly out of the pub and we all damn near fell off our chairs laughing.

(I have a LOT more but this is enough for today.) :D [/B]


Harsh, but I almost fell out of my chair reading that one. Thanks Flip!
 
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