Let me preface my stories with this...
I feel that if a bar allows cigar smoking, people who do not like cigars should either not complain, move to a non-smoking area or take their business elsewhere. Unless there are laws, the business owner has a right to determine his/her policies.
Three stories, all at places where cigars were allowed by the management.
STORY #1
This bar did not allow smoking inside but they had an outside patio, facing the street where it was OK. Guy I went to HS with and me are catching up on old times and puffing on some fine Habanos. Two women walk by and as they do, one starts waving her hands in front of her nose and the other covers up her nose and mouth. We ignore them and they continue walking. Guess they were offended that we didn't react so they
come back and continue their antics. We continue to ignore them. Finally, one says,
"Those are repugnant. We have a right to breathe clean air as we use a public sidewalk. People like you should be arrested for air pollution."
So I said to her:
"Why don't YOU arrest us?"
She replied:
"I'm not a law enforcement officer."
I replied:
"Well since we're not breaking any laws and since you're not a police officer, why don't you just continue on your way and stop bothering us? We have important things to discuss and haven't the time nor inclination to waste our efforts on sanctimonious whiners."
She replied:
"Kiss my ass!"
I replied:
"Well, if I decide to take you up on your offer, that part of your anatomy is big enough so that I surely won't miss. Would you prefer to bare it right here or go inside to the non-smoking section?"
Both women threw up their hands and walked away mumbling to themselves.
STORY #2
Man:
"Your cigar is disgusting. It's bothering my wife and kids."
Me:
"No sir, I beg to differ. This cigar is not disgusting, it's a 1998 Montecristo #2. Disgusting cigars you can find at the Quik Trip on the corner. By the way, if it offends y'all so much, why are you sitting, with children, in the smoking section of a bar? Surely you knew people would be smoking in the smoking section."
Man:
"What would it take to get you to put that out?"
Me:
"Your committing suicide might convince me."
(They finished their food and drinks and left complaining to the manager.... who is a cigar smoker too and said they were classic yuppie PITAs.)
STORY #3
Four of us golfing buddies are seated, having cigars in a designated cigar smoking area of a pub. A woman, a total stranger, comes over and stands right next to us saying nothing but waving a paper as the smoke billows up toward her.
We look at her and then ignore her. She stays put, continuing to wave smoke away with the paper.
Finally I looked at her and said,
"May we help you?"
She says,
"It stinks in here."
One of my golfing buddies had just a bit too much to drink (hee hee) so he replies,
"I noticed that too. A good douche might help you solve that problem."
Her mouth dropped almost to her knees. She was so stunned she couldn't even tell us to go F ourselves. She turned and walked quickly out of the pub and we all damn near fell off our chairs laughing.
(I have a LOT more but this is enough for today.)
