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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had
done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about
getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip of the vodka."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he started to get a little nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note from the monsignor posted on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a s s.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh it out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his a s s.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me".
12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
 

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Uniputt said:
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had
done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about
getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip of the vodka."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he started to get a little nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note from the monsignor posted on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a s s.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh it out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his a s s.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me".
12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
I would be looking out for lightning strikes if I were you!!!!!!

:r
 

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:rMAO that was the funniest joke i've heard in a long time.
 
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