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1,305 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
1. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a
much earlier age.

2. The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.

3. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is
actually the beginning of the next group of three.

4. When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down
again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if
you ever want to see it again.

5. Any change works for a maximum of three holes --- or at a minimum of
not at all.

6. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

7. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during
your swing.

8. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can hit either
one more club or two more balls.

9. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome
ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can
immediately shank a lay-up, or you can wait until the green is clear and
top a ball halfway there.

10. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his
ideas about the golf swing.

11. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination
of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate
for all of your many other errors.

12. If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.

13. Golfers who claim they don't cheat, also lie.

14. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

15. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

16. ! It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 8.

17. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is
like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

18. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

19. It's not a gimme if you're still away.

20. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a
straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

21. There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just the
way you meant to play it.

22. You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch
90% of the time.

23. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two
triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

24. If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try
to lay up just short of a water hazard.

25. To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed
of his backswing by his handicap. Example: backswing 20 mph, handicap
15, downswing 300 mph.

26. There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the
top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have,
and which one is wearing the glove.

27. Hazards attract; fairways repel.

28. You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but
no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.

29. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

30. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball
is in the bunker.

31. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

32. Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

33. There is no such thing as a lost ball._ Eventually, someone will find it.

4,118 Posts
33 reasons why I haven't played golf in 10 years! :r

X Canadian
1,306 Posts
Absolutely true all the way down the line!!!

That's fantastic, I'm going to copy it to Word, print it and hang it in my the bulletin board in my office (if you don't mind).

756 Posts
that is absolutely awesome. never seen it something like that put together so well. and i can't believe every one of those damn things is the truth!
hahaha, only replace divots after a perfect approach, not me :D


290 Posts
Don't forget these...

Chip-ins are only possible when a) you are laying at least 1 over for this hole, b) no one is looking, c) you are holding the wrong club anyway.

The best golf shot you have ever hit will be immediately followed by the worst (and vice versa).

Six-inch eagle putts will invariably lip out. No one will believe you.

Golf balls know your handicap and fly/spin/roll accordingly.
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