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· Registered
21,868 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I

can't even get into my OWN pants.

2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school

was my blood alcohol content.

3. Marriage changes passion... suddenly you're

in bed with a relative.

4. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with

"Guess" on it... so I said,"Implants?"

5. I don't do drugs anymore... I get the same

effect just standing up fast.

6. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog,

get one flea..."

7. I have my own little world. But it's OK...

they know me here.

8. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes

misery easier to live with.

9. I got a sweater for Christmas... I really

wanted a screamer or a moaner.

10. If flying is so safe, why do they call the

airport, the terminal?

11. I don't approve of political jokes... I've

seen too many of them get elected.

12. The most precious thing we have is life.

Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

13. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours

and $hithead's.

14. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if

it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Mary's. But if

it deals you a truckload of hand THAT'S

a message!

15. I love being married. It's so great to find

that one special person you can annoy for the rest

of your life.

16. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents

at the bowling alley.

17. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect;

therefore I am perfect.

18. I married my wife for her looks... but not

the ones she's been giving me lately!

19. Everyday I beat my own previous record for

number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

20. If carrots are so good for the eyes, how

come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

21. Welcome to $hit Creek -- Sorry, We're Out

of Paddles!

22. How come we choose from just two people to

run for president and 50 for Miss America?

23. Isn't having a smoking section in a

restaurant like having a peeing section in a

swimming pool? Everyone pretty much does

it wherever they want.

24. Why is it that most nudists are people you

don't want to see naked?

25. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

26. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can

hear my Mother's wise words: "Don't pick that up,

you don't know where it's been!"

· Registered
3,254 Posts
JezterVA said:
24. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

After visiting Key West 2 winters ago, I can say that this is indeed a true statement.

Haha.. try talking to the people who work in a Victoria's Secret or similar store.. man, the stories they tell...
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