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584 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
One of my favorites

Three men; a philosopher, a mathematician and a Coast Guard Chief Petty Officer, were out riding in a bus, coming home from scout summer camp when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the Pearly Gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

"Gentlemen", the Devil said, "due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."

The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings." With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. Then, GO TO HELL! With another snap of the Devil's finger, the philosopher disappeared.

The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated crypto
Formula you can ever think of that could never be deciphered!" with a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed the code was unbreakable. Then, GO TO HELL! With another snap of the Devil's finger,
The mathematician disappeared, too.

The Chief Petty Officer then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat." The Devil did just that. The Chief then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out of?" The Devil inspected the seat and said, "the third hole from the right." "Wrong, said the chief, it came out of my ass hole."

And the Chief went to Heaven...

3,075 Posts
Now why can't I get away with it like that.
If I ever do that first thing in the morning before getting out from under the covers I wouldn't stop hearing it from my girlfriend for the rest of the week.
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