Cigar Forums banner
1 - 7 of 7 Posts

283 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
popular email:

These are from a book called "Disorder in the
Court." These are things people actually said in
court, word for word, taken down and now published
by court reporters. How did they keep from laughing
while these were all taking place?


Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was
alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
Q: But could the patient have still been alive
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
and practicing law somewhere.

Judge: "Well, Sir, I have reviewed this case and
I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send
her a few bucks myself,"
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year
Q: What gear were you in at moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of
something you've forgotten?
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to
school for it.
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were
your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out
of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the
next morning?
A: Would you repeat that question, please?
Q: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: So the date of conception of (the baby) was
August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
A: I resent that question.
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to
a deposition that I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK?
A: OK.
Q: What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
was doing an autopsy on him.
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

3,075 Posts

Very funny stuff!

Gawd, I've heard replies like those from people before.


1,244 Posts
:r too funny. here's another one

Q: Ms Jones, what were you doing on the night of October 15, 2001?
A: I was making love to my new boyfriend, Jack.
Q: Ms Jones, what were you doing on the night of October 15, 2002?
A: I was making love to my new boyfriend, Phil.
Q: And Ms Jones, what were you doing on the night of October 15, 2003?
A: I was making love to my new boyfriend, Brandon.
Q: Ms Jones, what are you doing tonite?

1,305 Posts
here's another one

Q: Mr. Ramirez, what were you doing on the night of October 15, 2003?

A: I was having a cigar with my friend Robmcd.

Q: Mr. Ramirez, what were you doing on the night of October 15, 2003?

A: I was drinking several bottles of Manischewitz with my friend Robmcd, and passed out.

Q: Mr. Ramirez, what were you doing on the morning of October 16, 2003?

A: I woke up and went to ice down my rear end because of the pain. I've never had that happen from drinking too much. There must be something in that wine.
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.