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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This is a good one....

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown
into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."


One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well,
the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like
it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that
every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with
my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs
as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried on several
different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so
I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her
new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the
jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me
because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to
play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this
is all dear, let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I
don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffled "WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for
awhile.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough
for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I
added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I
buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

3,075 Posts

I liked it. Funn-ny! :)

1,058 Posts
humf! :fu

1,058 Posts
Hey, I'm just pullin chains - no offense taken! :D

Shags homely sheep
5,059 Posts
1f1fan said:
I knew I'd get some reactions out of this joke.

I'm a newlywed so I had to post this, please understand :)
Have you heard about the jellybean theory of marriage. You put one jellybean in a jar for every amorous night when your a newly wed. Keep this up until things drastically taper off - if you then started to take a jellybean out for every time, the jellybeans won't be gone by the time your in your eighties----

Great Story -- congrats on being a newly wed :D
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