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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
"If it comes out yellow and clear, it's a good day."

Pretty much words to live by. Thought I'd share.

Scott"deleriousatworkagain"M

(Spoken by a patient with radiation burns to his urethra)
 

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All bleeding stops eventually

Asystole (flatline) is a stable cardiac rythem

NOBODY ever dies in the back of my ambulance (the ER doc pronounces death)

and my personal favorite...All emergencies happen randomly...at the same time.
 

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My mom always said "Never stick anything in your ear smaller than your elbow".

That was after I had to go the the doctor to get the jelly beans (that my brother had stuck in) out of my ears!
 

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We recently extracted a 6" nerf football from the rectum of a 73 yr old man. When asked how it came to be there, the gentleman replied that he had slipped in the shower and his grandson must have left it in the tub. As we say in the ER, "you cant make this S**T up" . It"s amazing how many items become lodged in rectums from shower accidents. Frank B
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
This'll be funny, (and probably a flashback) to anyone who's ever gone through a residency or worked in a hospital... or not;
LAWS OF THE HOUSE OF GOD

I. GOMERS DON'T DIE.

II. GOMERS GO TO GROUND.

III. AT A CARDIAC ARREST, THE FIRST PROCEDURE IS TO TAKE YOUR OWN PULSE.

IV. THE PATIENT IS THE ONE WITH THE DISEASE.

V. PLACEMENT COMES FIRST.

VI. THERE IS NO BODY CAVITY THAT CANNOT BE REACHED WITH A #14 NEEDLE AND A GOOD STRONG ARM.

VII. AGE + BUN = LASIX DOSE.

VIII. THEY CAN ALWAYS HURT YOU MORE.

IX. THE ONLY GOOD ADMISSION IS A DEAD ADMISSION.

X. IF YOU DON'T TAKE A TEMPERATURE, YOU CANíT FIND A FEVER.

XI. SHOW ME A BMS* WHO ONLY TRIPLES MY WORK AND I WILL KISS HIS FEET. XIA. Al's Corollary: Show me a resident who only triples my work, and I will kiss his/her feet.

XII. IF THE RADIOLOGY RESIDENT AND THE BMS* BOTH SEE A LESION ON THE CHEST X-RAY, THERE CAN BE NO LESION THERE.

XIII. THE DELIVERY OF MEDICAL CARE IS TO DO AS MUCH NOTHING AS POSSIBLE.
from House of God by Samuel Shem

Scott"cynical...no,I'marealist"M
 

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If anyone reads this thread they have to love this one.....A couple of stories from residency....Surgical of course: When doing a pelvic exam on a fellow residents wife (found out after the fact) it's never good to get the following response when asked if she had had a hysterectomy: "Well, you could feel my cervix if your two fingers were not in my a__), and my favorite: In the O.R. removing a rectal foreign body: "Is this thing just a cock or does it have balls as well because I can't get it out......" Got ta love medicine.
 

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$500.00?!?!?! How much just to change the batteries?

:z
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
One of our senior ER residents went into a treatment room to do a pelvic on a woman.

Several minutes later, we were all quite amused to hear coming from the room "Oh, Doctor...that feels SO GOOD!!!!".


He has yet to live that down.

Scott"seeseverythingonceandnothingtwice"M
 
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