Here's a written version (similar) of it for anyone who wants to copy and save it.
Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says to them, "You don't know Jack Schitt." You'll now be able to handle that situation with poise!
Jack Schitt was the only son of Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate and Oh Schitt, owner of the world famous resort the Kneedeep Schitt Inn.
Jack Schitt married his third cousin Noe Schitt and the couple produced six children. Holy Schitt, their first child, unfortunately passed on immediately after birth. Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt; two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt and a another son, Bull Schitt.
Though not discussed in public, evidence also shows that Jack Schitt fathered a child by his mistress. The son, Crocka Schitt, lives with his mother near the fertilizer company's town of Schitt City.
Against their parents objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout with an IQ of 72. They produced one child and, rightly so, named him Stupid Schitt. Dip Schitt married Lotta Schitt and they produced a son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout their childhood and married the Happens brothers in a joyous dual ceremony. The bliss was short-lived however and within a few years, both Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt divorced their husbands and dropped their ex's last names. With the dissolution of the marriages, The Schitt-Happens children had their names legally changed at the courthouse and took the Schitt family name as their surname. Thus, the Schitt-Happens children became known simply as Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt and Horace Schitt.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home after college to tour the world on a motorcycle. He met other bikers who, like him, had an interest in country and western music. They called their new bike club the Schitt Kickers. He recently returned from abroad with his new bride, Pisa Schitt, on his arm. The young couple is expecting the imminent arrival of Baby Schitt.
Now when someone tells you that you don't know Jack Schitt, you can gently correct them.